Personal Shadow

Carl Jung wrote about our personal shadows as the place we repress the parts of ourselves we don’t want the world to see. The parts of ourselves that we don’t want to see.

Characteristics like jealousy, greed, and lust often live in this dark place. But positive characteristics we don’t want to acknowledge can live here, too. We learn early in life (implicitly or explicitly) that these parts of ourselves are “bad” or “undesirable,” so we store them away. The problem though, is that they never really leave.

We carry our shadows with us wherever we go, though as long as we refuse to acknowledge them- our shadows remain unconscious. And as long as they remain unconscious, they surface in our lives without our knowing. Often times, we may catch small glimpses of these traits. This 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 is where the work begins.

Turning towards shadow is a process that requires courage. Integrating shadow requires work. But, when we first acknowledge that this darkness exists for everyone, we can kindly ask the shame to take a hike.

When we accept that this side exists, we have taken the first step.

𝑇𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑎 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ. Now ask yourself, “when was the last time I acted 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟?”

Shadow reveals itself to us in moments of impulse and through moments of incongruence. For example, if kindness if a characteristic you’re proud to associate with- shadow may reveal itself in moments of anger. If feeling self-assured is a quality you’ve developed, shadow may appear in moments of jealousy or self-doubt.

When we look for at this part of ourselves, we acknowledge what it is we’re proud to share with the world, then search for brief moments where our thoughts and actions represent the opposite.

These traits, the ones that feel dark and unwanted, make up our personal shadow. The question then becomes 𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑑𝑜 𝐼 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑤 𝑚𝑦 𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑤 𝑡𝑜𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡?

Once we identify these traits, it becomes important to be gentle. It can be tempting to become critical, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑠𝑚 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑝𝑢𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑜 the dark regions.

Instead, 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔. When we offer ourselves tenderness, when we create a safe environment, we increase our ability to draw shadow towards light.

Some mantras I love for this are:

△ Imperfection is what makes me human.
△ I offer love and acceptance to all parts of me.
△ It is okay to have a shadow.
△ Having shadow is part of what makes me whole.

Then, 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠. When we start to ask “why” questions, we deepen our ability to understand what the heck is going on.

Some questions you might ask:

△ Where might this ____ (anger, jealousy, etc) be coming from?
△ Is there anyway I can make it safe for these feelings to exist?
△ What might this feeling be telling me about myself?
△ How can I sit with this feeling for a moment, instead of pushing it away?

Finally- I think it’s important to remember that we can be BOTH/ AND rather than EITHER/ OR

What I mean by this is that it’s okay to be kind, and sometimes get angry. It’s okay to want the best for someone, and also feel jealous. It’s okay to feel entirely committed to our partners, and still notice another.

When we become aware of our shadow properties, we begin to make the unconscious conscious. When we accept that we can be two things at once, even two opposing things at once- we are integrating shadow.